Monday, December 31, 2012

LET IT GO

 Should some things and people be forgotten? Sometimes it's just best to let it go.

“Should old acquaintances be forgotten, and never brought to mind? Should old acquaintances be forgotten, and auld lang syne?”  

These all too familiar words will be sung loud and joyously when the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve. Many will sing, but I’d bet few will ponder their meaningfulness and their true cause for pause. The poet who originally penned the song in the 17th century was expressing his ponderings about letting go of lingering memories from a relationship that had ended. However, over the centuries the meaning changed as it became customary to sing “Auld Lang Syne” as the old year ends and the new one rolls in. But, if you think about it, whether we’re talking relational or situational, these are really great questions, and I believe they bear considering when it comes to forgetting about the past.
For instance, if old “stuff” is clouding our heads, hearts or direction, stuff we should have forgotten about long ago, the answer to “should we forget?” is easy. If we have allowed negative thoughts to take up residence in our minds, and permitted unhealthy ponderings to stay way, way too long, the answer to whether “should some things never be brought to mind?” is obvious.  If thoughts, ideas, actions or people, i.e., “acquaintances” and “things” from the past are negative and crippling, the answer is a resounding YES. It just makes sense to let it go.

If we would admit it, most of us can say that at some time we’ve carried too many harmful memories with us over time; memories that are laden in our pasts and that have absolutely no current value. Memories that serve us well when we think of them, visions that make us chuckle, feel happy, that remind us of significant lessons and accomplishments, the ones that make us feel proud are the ones to hang onto. The relationships that were not healthy, the situations that went sour or failed, the things that people have done or said that harmed and hurt, all of the bad stuff that you continually let swirl in your head, negative words from others that you replay and replay need to be dumped and NEVER BROUGHT TO MIND. Should they be forgotten? Absolutely yes, and let it go.
Letting go can be a challenge, but if your memories are draining you of life or preventing you  from moving ahead in a healthy, happy direction toward love, living, career, fun, friendships and a “free” existence, it’s time to consider a “DUMP DAY”.  Make the time to take a walk through your mind, look around at your circumstances, evaluate your life and ask “should this ‘acquaintance’ be forgotten? Should this “memory of things long past” be forgotten?  If the memories that come to mind have little value, are old and useless, if they are holding you down or back from your aspirations, dreams or freedom, by all means LET IT GO. DUMP THEM. Literally, say to yourself, “I’m letting it go.” See yourself taking your “LOAD” of unhealthy and unhappy thoughts and memories to the DUMPSTER or GARBAGE BIN and throwing them in, one by one.

You may be surprised the results.  It’s like spring cleaning.  Look under, around and inside the recesses of your mind for all of the dusty, crappy old thoughts that don’t belong there anymore. Sound crazy? Try it and see what you THINK.

I have a friend that took it to another level. A few holidays ago, I suggested “the dump” exercise to a her.  She was trying to put a relationship behind her, and so she literally took every reminder that she had of her ex, and put it in a box and wrote on it “I’m letting you go”. She came to my door and showed me the box, and then headed to the dumpster. She was smiling when she made her announcement to me, and she had a revived pep in her step as she headed toward the garbage bin.

I watched her from the distance as she thrust that box high and hard over into the bin. She wanted to forget and she really meant it. In fact, she moved away. She found a new job. She bought a new car. She is pursuing her dream. She didn’t go back looking through the old garbage. Her old thoughts, old memories and an old relationship no longer held her back. She moved on, no days of “auld lang syne” blocking her vision or her view of things to come.

So, should old acquaintances and times long past be forgotten? If they are hindering you, yes, for sure. My friend is proof positive that the “forgetting exercise” really can work. It doesn’t have to be about an ex, however. You can box-up WHATEVER it is that you want to dump, and get rid of it. Write out what you’re dumping on index cards, and toss them in a box or garbage bag . It may take a day, a week or a month to get the “mess” out of your mind and written down, but try it. You may see results faster than you can say bye-bye.
“Should old acquaintances be forgotten, and never brought to mind, and old days gone by?”  Yes, the truly old and useless matters of the mind and heart should be forgotten, dumped, discarded and disposed of. Then, we should do our best to look optimistically forward and toward the future with the hope of creating new moments, relationships and memories that we can appreciate and enjoy.  Don’t hang onto people and things of the past that bring fret and regret to mind. Don’t allow sour, old acquaintances and depressing, lingering memories from long ago continue to bring you low. DON’T allow yourself to keep looking back. LET IT GO. LET IT GO. LET IT GO!

Silver Rae Fox - Copyrights 2013

Silver Rae Fox is the host of the Blog Talk Radio Show “FOXOLOGY”.  Click here for more info on show times: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/foxology/2013/01/01/do-resolutions-really-work

Visit www.shop.silverraefox.com to check out signature products, audio downloads and ebooks by Silver Rae Fox.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Why Fight? Because you can WIN, if you STAY IN THE RING
  by Silver Rae Fox
These are all true stories. The names have been changed.
Ricky was by all descriptions, a thug. It was the the life he wanted and the only life he knew. Everbody in his family were thugs, too. Hustling and pimping was his game. Street life was how he survived, until one day he committed an unthinkable crime that sent him to prison for many years, but it was just enough time to re-think life.

Ricky knew that the biggest battle he had to fight now was in his own mind and choices. When he got out of prison, he changed his direction. A compassionate employer gave him an opportunity to work for his business, starting at the lowest end of the totem pole, requiring that Ricky basically do very menial tasks. It seemed to be a "dead end" situation as jobs go. But Ricky had decided to be faithful and dedicated to the only company that took a chance on him. Over the years, he made the climb up the ladder, became the top salesperson and ultimately, the sales manager for his company. Not only that, but he became a model of success to his family and friends.

Josie was beaten and battered beyond recognition by her boyfriend more times than she can count over an eight year period. Her life was a living hell. She couldn't see how it could ever end, but one day she found an inkling of courage when her boyfriend left home to go get cigarettes at the corner store. With the little time she had, she threw everything she could into a garbage bag, and called a taxi to meet her at a gas station two blocks away.

She left that night, running so fast down the street that she lost one of her shoes. For a split second she looked back at the shoe. She had lost her front teeth, her self-esteem and too many years of life in a bad situation, so she didn't go back for her shoe. With the help of friends, Josie went on to a new town, found a new job and a brand new life.

Kris recently had what was a standard surgery procedure, in most cases. However, when she went home several days after the surgery, she became unusually weak. In fact, she said that she felt like she was dying. The truth is, she was. In her emergency return to the hospital, doctors discovered that toxins had filled her bloodstream and, indeed, she was close to death's door. Things quickly went from bad to worse, as Kris was put on twenty-four hour watch in intensive care, living and breathing only by life-support equipment. The hospital minister stood in waiting to tell the family of her fate.

That was then, and this is now: Kris is a beautiful, vibrant, enthusiastic 43 year-old example of what faith can do and what fighting for your life is all about. She is back at work, happy and excited to be alive and so well. She said that she constantly whispered prayers to God with the little strength she had, and those prayers were answered supernaturally. Even the doctors say that her "comeback" is hard to believe.

Brenda was living the good life. She had married a wealthy, successful doctor, living in a dream home and rubbing shoulders with the elite in high society circles. However, while she had the "good life", she didn't have a good marriage. It ended abruptly when her husband fell in love with another woman, and kicked her out. With no pre-nup, no money, no direction and no plan, Brenda was at an all-time low. Her husband gave her nothing, not even her car.

Brenda had no idea how she would build a new life for herself, she just knew that she wasn't a quitter. In her own words, she says "it's not in me to stay down. I'll figure it out." She borrowed money from friends and found a cheap apartment. She couldn't afford to get the electricity turned on, so she lived by candlelight for weeks until she was able to earn her first paycheck. She rode a bike to work until she could buy a car.

With all that had gone wrong, Brenda knew she had one thing on her side. She had great people skills and managed to win a sales position with a big global company. She diligently worked her way up swiftly, becoming the number-two ranking salesperson in the entire country in just a few years.

Belinda had looked for love in all the wrong places all of her life. Always making poor choices, she was the victim of heartbreak and broken relationships time and time again. She was smart, but not when it came to falling in love. Sensitive and gullible, men always took advantage of her kind spirit and generosity.

She was strong, too, but never strong enough to leave a bad relationship. She just wanted to be loved, badly. Finally, devastated after a divorce, and while still healing, a man walked into her life who wanted love as much as she did, and as unconditionally. They got married a year and half later, and neither of them ever imagined that life could be as happy as it is for them now.

What do all of these stories have in common? They are stories of people who were faced with odds, challenges, dilemmas and difficulties. They are stories of people who despite what life had dealt them, they decided not to throw in the towel. These are stories of people who knew that if they didn't give up, maybe somehow things would turn around for them. These are stories of people who decided to believe, to battle, to get up and fight back.

The truth is, we won't always know how we are going to find the strength to fight. We don't always know what it is going to take to keep standing. We don't always know how we will win when life is throwing hard blows and punches our way, or how we will tolerate the hurt, pain and uncertainties. But, there is one thing we can learn and know from all of the people who have found the faith and fortitude to swing back: YOU CAN WIN, IF YOU STAY IN THE RING. These are all stories of people who did just that, and they won.

S.R.F.
 
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Silver Rae Fox Entrprises - Copyright 2012



Saturday, September 1, 2012

Thursday, July 5, 2012

THE POWER OF WON'T by Silver Rae Fox

WILLPOWER. There’s always so much “ado” about it.  You want to lose weight? Use your willpower. You want to break a bad habit? Use your willpower. You want to achieve something? Use your willpower. You need courage to get something done? Use your willpower.

The definition of willpower is “the ability to control oneself and determine one's actions” (World English Dictionary), which implies that if we are to be successful in most things we need this ability, right?

That was a trick question. It sounds right. However, I’m inviting you to entertain the thought of having what I am going to coin as “WON’T POWER”. Now, I know you are wondering what the heck is “WON’T POWER”? I am glad you asked.  Let me explain.

Consider this: WILLPOWER seems to require an insightful look at behaviors in ourselves that we must examine and manage, especially when we recognize that those behaviors are seeking control regarding a particular situation.  For instance, let’s day you have decided to diet.  Typically, when you feel hunger and a desire for food that doesn’t fit your diet plan, you counteract, or fight the urges with “willpower”. Therefore,  attempting  to resist eating whatever it is you want to treat yourself to.

Likewise, if you have a habit you want to break, maybe it’s biting your nails. Once you realize your fingers are headed toward your mouth, the first thought that kicks in is that you have to use “will power” to stop this nervous behavior.

Or, suppose you have a goal, but you keep thinking of reasons to not forge ahead.  Everyone keeps telling you that you have to have the “will power” to make it happen, and even you know yourself that's partially and probably true.

All of these scenarios imply a proactive approach to achieve something. The problem is that in so many cases like the ones I’ve described, you just don’t always know how to come up with enough of this “willpower” from within to combat all of the existing “messaging” that lives inside your head, let alone knowing how to keep responding and reacting to it at full force. 

I have a discovered a different theory that I believe can help you achieve results faster and perhaps, permanently. It’s a technique I use. I call it the POWER OF WON’T.

The thing I like about this is that the word “won’t” has  an underlying sense of defiance in it. It sounds strong and commanding. It means “NO” in an emphatic way, depending on how you are using it. So, with that in mind, I propose this to you:  Is it easier to look a piece of your favorite cake and say with bold resistance “I WON’T eat that”, or to be in a struggle, arguing back in forth with your desire to eat it using "willpower"? Here’s my point:

Your Desire: “I want that cake.”

Your Willpower: “Yes, but you really shouldn’t eat it.”

Your Desire: “I really want it”.

Your Willpower: “Yes, it looks very good, so maybe a little slice will be okay.”

Your Desire: “Yes, I agree…just a little slice will be good!”

Well, if a little slice of cake isn’t in your diet, your willpower didn’t win.  I believe that depending on the circumstances, WILLPOWER is not nearly as effective as WON’T POWER:

Your Desire: “I want that cake.”

Your WON’T POWER: “I WON’T have cake. It’s not something I can eat on my diet. I WON’T EAT IT.”

See the difference? It’s a mental “twist”, but it works. I know this isn’t true for everyone, but WILLPOWER seems to leave room for negotiation in our psyche. WON’T POWER has NO negotiation structure. NO MEANS NO. WON’T MEANS WON’T. NO ARGUMENT. You don’t give yourself an OPTION…you say “I WON’T”.

Imagine the results you would get if you started today, right now, using the POWER OF WON’T, and began using it defiantly, boldly and with conviction and resolve:

“I WON’T let anything stop me from getting to my goals.”

“I WON’T have foods that WON’T aid in my weight loss.”

“I WON’T let this habit have control any longer. I WON’T DO IT ANY MORE.”

“I WON’T  be the victim of a bad relationship. I WON’T BE AFRAID TO LET IT GO.”

“I WON’T let fears get in the way of my dream and destiny. I WON’T LET ANYTHING STOP ME.”

“I WON’T behave the way I have been behaving with my spouse (or friends, or co-workers, or whomever).  I WON’T ACT THAT WAY.”

Now, I suggest you try it right now, not necessarily out loud, but in your strongest inner voice say it:

“I WON’T __________________!”

How did that feel? Convincing? Say it again. How did it feel that time? Determined? If so, you are on your way to discovering a new level of POWER within, the POWER OF WON’T, and I can promise you if you stick to your guns every time you come face-to-face with your issue, your WON’T POWER is going to win. 

Here’s another little bit of advice, and I am being somewhat humorous here. If you are headed to the kitchen to see if my theory works while you’re staring at cake, I’ll assure you it does. Just give it “the hand” and as you walk away say “We WON’T be meeting like this anymore. I WON’T be letting you treat like I’m someone who doesn’t know my power. I JUST WON’T.”

Yes, I  talk to my TEMPTATIONS. I talk to my OBSTACLES. I  talk to the DISTRACTIONS. I talk to cake, ice cream, butter, bread and all manner of good gooey stuff that attempt to win my attention. And, you know what? I WON’T BE DETERRED BY ANY OF IT.  I JUST WON'T.

Enough said. Think about claiming YOUR WON’T POWER, one temptation, obstacle, distraction and goal at a time. Something tells me that in no time you’re going to be really good at this!

S.R.F.
CLICK HERE for Silver's audio motivational message "STAY IN THE RING"!

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Wednesday, July 4, 2012

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Sunday, April 1, 2012

YOUR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS: ARMED AND DANGEROUS


There is a thief on the loose, and it’s called NEGATIVE THINKING. Maybe you know what I'm talking about because you've had an unpleasant encounter with this slick attacker. Negative thinking comes and goes so fast that, in most cases, you don’t even realize all that has been stolen from you. It happens faster than you can say, "what just happened?"
 Here's what I mean. Maybe you have never been a positive thinker, someone with a big dream, a wonderful plan, a grand hope, an exciting idea, giddy energy and high inspiration, a ton of motivation and a terrific outlook. If so, you may not even realize how much is possibly "missing" from your life because of your thinking. Interestingly though, even the most positive of thinkers get hit by hard times and challenges and one day wake up, and find that all of their good mental “stuff” is gone. In such cases, negative thinking will often creep in.

The perpetrator will try to steal the dream, your faith and fortitude, your hopes, and take off with your ideas and energy, leaving you feeling helpless and victimized. Does it have to?  No, it doesn’t, but we must realize that it’s the negative thinking that does it. We get the very rug pulled from under us by this criminal that tells us there is no reason to try again, start again or believe again. Unfortunately, we can’t arrest this attacker or call 911 for help, because this “thief” has been allowed protection under the law of your very own mind. That's the case, until you change the law.

Negative thinking comes on the scene of your mind and works so quickly, never fearing its own repercussions. Negative thinking can go straight back to its safe abode, right inside your mind, and never worry about being caught. At least, not until you realize how vicious this culprit is, and not until you have come to realize who and what it is that has been stealing your faith and your future. These negative thoughts are armed with the ability to pounce on you unexpectedly, and they are so dangerous that you can find that your whole life and many a great opportunity and choice has been taken by its wild and terrorist ways.

How do you stop the awful, mental intrusions? How do you guard against the break-ins? How do you combat its mean forces when you hardly see it coming? How do you protect your mind against its aggressive attacks? How do you keep the negative thinking thief from stealing your best life?

Here’s a tip: The first thing is to understand that just as much as we say that there is power in positive thinking, there is also power in negative thinking. It is a reality. It is true. You will walk into a more promising day or even destiny when you believe you deserve to, and when you believe in opportunity, and when you know that many obstacles in life can be overcome. On the other hand, when you believe that no matter how hard you try, nothing good will come to you, that you never get the “good breaks”, that at each and every turn there is a stumbling block that will prevent you from gaining success, you are getting seriously ripped off.

Those thoughts, that kind of negative thinking, has just stolen your ability to understand that opportunities are truly open game for anyone, that “breaks” come when you keep applying faith and fortitude to your life, projects and plans, and that obstacles and stumbling blocks are a natural course of challenge for everyone, not just especially or necessarily picked out to pick on you and your plans.

Secondly, you must make every attempt to change your perspective about what you see; you know all about the “the glass being half full or half empty” thing.  Perspective is powerful. Perspective will gauge what decisions you will make, what directions you’ll take and just how far you believe you can go. If you tell yourself, or should I say if you let negative thinking tell you “there’s no way you can do that”, there’s no way you’ll succeed”, there’s no way, no way, NO WAY…”, well you just got robbed AGAIN. Negative thinking took hold of your belief system, your belief in yourself and your belief in your dream.  You must beware of the schemes. Negative thinking is slick, quick and full of tricks.

I know some will say “I’m not being negative. I am being realistic.”  I am being realistic, too, when I tell you that negative thinking will swipe you of all of your goods. You want a good chance at things. You want the good things to come your way. Those “good things” are right before you, but negative thinking has this way of stealing you blind, because you didn’t see that as true. You didn’t believe for yourself that you are good enough to have all that you dream of. You CAN acquire your “goods”, but you have to believe you can. You do it by putting the lock on the door of your mind and not allowing negative thinking to take your positive beliefs captive. You do it by setting an “alarm” that goes off when that lowdown thief comes to approach you. You do it by recognizing that negative thinking is always lurking, so your positive thinking must be on "ready" with the ammunition that destroys it.  Here’s how you can work on keeping your mind fully loaded:

1.       1. When a destructive thought comes to mind, the ones that say “you can’t”, “you won’t”, “why try?”, “you are never going to make it”, etc., FIRE BACK!  “YES, I CAN.” “YES, I WILL.” “I AM DESERVING.” “I AM GOOD ENOUGH.”  Come up with a list of your own thoughts that express your best and most powerful and positive expressions.  Fire back hard, and often, until your belief system is feeling like your mind is safer from the negative thoughts. You’ll know, because you will start moving toward more positive things and realities with less fear and more faith.
2.        
2.   2. Write a long list of what you see for yourself, and read it out loud every day. “I SEE MYSELF in my new job as a nurse.” “I SEE MYSELF in my brand new convertible sports car (name it).” “I SEE MYSELF in a beautiful, loving relationship.” “I SEE MYSELF in my dream house”, on so on, and so on. The MAJOR POINT here is to SEE IT! VISUALIZE IT, IMAGINE IT, “TELEVISE” it in your mind. Cancel negative thinking’s plan to rip you off by SEEING, IN YOUR MIND, THE POSITIVE RESULTS YOU WANT.


3.     3Be on the LOOKOUT for the thief by GUARDING YOUR MIND with positive info. READ, READ, READ positive and motivating materials, books, articles, etc.  LISTEN over and over again to messages that inspire and empower you. SING songs (at the top of your lungs!) that speak to your dreams, aspirations and desires. You can have your mind BOLTED UP like Fort Knox if you put enough security and protection around it. Expect that negative thoughts will still try to break in, but that’s when you break out your ammunition and start targeting every attempt with your toughest defense: KEEPING YOUR GUARD UP. DEMAND THOSE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS TO GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD AND OUT OF YOUR WAY.

Start today, right now, and decide to never be robbed again of any of the things you want. Change the laws of your own thinking. Be determined to never allow negative thinking an opportunity to steal every possibility and potential for a great life. Negative thinking is armed and dangerous, but with enough effort on your part, when it shows up again with its wily ways and vicious attempts, your new mentality with be under lock and key.

S.R.F.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

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A NEW YOU? REALLY?!

It's February 1st, already. It seems like it's only been a minute since we made all those New Year’s resolutions. Yeah, it was just last month. How time flies when you are trying to do life, and keep up with what you said you would do to be a “new you” this year!  A “new” YOU…really? That is what you said, isn’t it? 

I imagine some of you swore off "sweets", while others decided to stop eating chicken or something. My guess is that millions of us faithfully confessed we would lose weight and exercise more, launch a dream, learn to dance, watch less TV and finally write "that book", cook at home more often, find the “right” job, save more money, set up a budget, give more, volunteer, go to church, make more time for yourself, make more time for other people, climb a mountain, plan a trip, stop bad habits, give up SOMETHING, and, of course, we vowed to be just plain better at just about EVERYTHING under the sun. 

That was then. This is now, only thirty-one days later. The resolutions are feeling less and less important, if not forgotten, and you are about to be your same “O.K. self” once again. You’re flat lining on your 2012 promise at the expense of not doing that fantastic “thing” you want to do, or becoming that fabulous and fierce somebody you vowed you were going to become this year,  and from now on. My, oh my. Say it isn’t so!

Well, whatever it was that you decided would help you "do" more and "be" more, I wanted to offer you a little encouragement to stay the course, stay on the wagon and stay committed. Some of us just need a little re-charging, if you will. I get it, so here goes:

 1. YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO DO THIS! And now you're feeling what? Like giving up and giving in? GOD FORBID! Change ain't always easy.  YOU CAN DO IT! Don't depend on anyone else to help you make this happen. YOU MAKE IT HAPPEN! Other people can encourage you and support you, but I suggest YOU be your own coach and cheerleader. In other words, be IN IT TO WIN IT, BABY!

 2.  “IT'S NOT GOING TO MATTER IF I DON'T DO IT”.  It mattered on January 1st, and now it doesn't??? O.K., that's enough of that backdoor attitude! If your resolution was spoken earnestly and honestly, don't try to slip out the back way on yourself as if no one else will notice. Maybe no one else will, but you know the deal. Just because it feels a little hard and challenging, DON’T ALLOW YOURSELF TO QUIT and say it doesn’t matter. Remind yourself of all of the reasons that IT DOES! You’re worth it. You deserve it. You need it for your very own important reasons.

3.  SELF-IMPROVEMENT CAN GO A LONG WAY. When you set special goals for yourself and you accomplish them, it really does make you feel better about yourself, all over. You feel good. You feel happier. You feel prouder. You feel more fulfilled. You feel important. You feel more complete. You feel self-assured. You feel confident. You feel like a conqueror. Life can even feel better. NEED I SAY MORE? You wouldn’t want to trade those new and wonderful feelings of SELF-ESTEEM and ACCOMPLISHMENT for the world, would you? I didn’t think so.

So now, let’s do it again: RE-COMMIT. Re-commit today, and re-commit tomorrow, and re-commit the next day, and the next day after that. Yes, sometimes it can be a real challenge to stay on track and take yourself to your next level, but you want to be a “new you”, right? YOU CAN BE, and you better believe it! HAPPY NEW YOU, Friend!

S.R.F.
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