Sunday, November 1, 2009


Breaking Up and Breaking?

Depending on the circumstances, breaking up can be so very devastating. It can leave you hurt, lonely, confused. You had imagined there was certainly a future in the relationship. You had thought for sure that he or she was THE ONE, the one and only one. Now you have discovered that you were wrong, and you find your self-esteem is shattered in a million pieces, along with the difficult task of finding ways to put those pieces of your life and heart back together again.

If you played the leading role in the break-up, chances are you still feel pretty "together." Hurt, maybe, but you realize that break-ups do happen, and sometimes MUST happen, and so for you, life goes on. However, if you are the one who got dumped, you may be feeling rejected, disrespected, disregarded, degraded and depressed. In other words, all the wonderful things you felt about yourself when you knew that you were wanted and needed have been broken apart, too.

Listen, fret for a while if you must, but you will do yourself a major injustice if you allow wallowing in self-pity and sorrow for too long. Your pride in yourself does not rest in the fact that you thought someone else "esteemed" you. Your pride should be built upon the strengths and abilities you possess, and how much and how well you are able to esteem YOURSELF.

If he or she was your only reason for living, your only reason for feeling good about yourself and your only reason for feeling good about life, then you have a self-esteem building project on your hands. You will have to begin all over again, from the bottom up, laying a brand new foundation for yourself; a foundation built on pride, dignity, self-respect, and all the wonderful abilities that are unique to you. Look within for the "tools and bricks," not on the "outside." AFFIRM, AFFIRM, AFFIRM that you are an absolutely wonderful, awesome creation who is worthy of being loved, and I might add, by YOURSELF first!

For most people, rushing to try to replace a lost love with someone else to fill the void is the wrong quick fix. We do it because we think that will prove that we are desirable and worthy again. Stop right there. Wrong foundation. You CAN stand on your OWN foundation. You CAN develop confidence in YOURSELF again. Then, when you are ready and able to love again, you can do that in your new found strengths and not out of weakness or inabilities to feel good about yourself on your own. The best relationships are those that are built on mutual love, mutual admiration and mutual respect. To get it, you gotta bring it.

So, if you are currently the sufferer of a breakup, remember that you are not Humpty-Dumpty. Right now it might be a little bit difficult to see how everything will fit, but you can and will put all the pieces back together again.


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