The Self-Sabotage Lie: "I Can't"

                                                                                                                                                                  

Chances are that right at this moment you may be processing a happy thought, and creative idea, a perfect plan, an enthusiastic effort, a wonderful fantasy vacation, a special something or another. Then, this truly bothersome thing happens in your mind: you come up with all the reasons why you can't move forward with any of it. You find yourself all tied up with negative thinking and self-sabotage.

Do I even begin to investigate why you can think through the joy of it all, but then tell yourself "I can't" possibly do that? Let's see if you can change your own mind about it.

Here's a little more food for your thoughts. Ask yourself:

1. Can I make this a reality? Most of us are not entertaining ridiculous, unachievable dreams, plans or goals. We are thinking about stuff that we know others have been able to accomplish. We are thinking about plans that are proven to work in the lives and business of people we know. We are not thinking so out of the ordinary that it's weird to consider a dream as impossible. The biggest issue is that many of our imaginings take time, money and effort to get. Don't write yourself off because of that. Save or secure the money. Make the time. Do the work. Yes, YOU CAN.

2. Fantasizing is fun, but it can be a big time waster. Start googling some possibilities. Call friends and associates that you know will encourage you and show support. Get those thoughts on paper. Make some phone calls. Set up some appointments and meetings. Watch some videos that give tools and insights. Start looking at things optimistically, and doable. Take yourself from fantasizing to actual steps forward toward your big dream or idea. Get it going. Don't waste any more time just thinking about it. BE about it!

3. Don't let the fear and intimidation fool you. You may get so scared that you give up and give in before you ever really get started. It's normal to feel some kinda way about what may appear to be a risk, but you know what they say: "if not now, when?" Putting something off until later on often ends up never coming to fruition. If later on works best, that's one thing. But if your delay is because of fear or intimidation, be braver. Yes, braver. This is on you. You will either tell yourself "I can" or "I can't" out of fear. Don't let the self-sabotage demons get to you,  fueling your head with lies.

As I said earlier, a great majority of our heart's desires are very achievable. Enjoy the process. Untie your hands. Untie your limited thinking. Untie anything that holds you back from your hopes and dreams.  You can do it. YES, YOU CAN. ~ S.R.F.

Are Little Mishaps Hijacking Your Day?

Disappointment and frustration can lead to depression, among several other emotions and conditions. The causes are many and varied. On a daily basis we can face factors that affect how we feel, situations and circumstances that impact our happiness, our contentment, our feelings of joy, our perspectives on success and failure. It can feel like a roller coaster of events, often hard to maneuver, and even sometimes these events make us feel like life is out of control. The truth is, it isn't beyond you helping yourself.

When disappointment hovers, a first step is dealing with reality. You've heard the saying "we make mountains out of molehills?" Yes, we do that, a lot. A really small thing can trigger loads of emotion, so much so that we lose the perspective of what really happened. Your coffee spills. You can't find your keys. The toilet got stuck. And, the story goes on, and on, and on with insignificant disorders of the day that hijack all the good and positive things you were affirming, and the sense of happiness you sought.

Well, in comparison, many major problems may loom that can't be remedied with a paper towel, discovering where you misplaced your keys that weren't really lost, and plunging the toilet. So, there's that. Those things that are for real - for real bigger issues that disappoint, and the things that you can't possibly immediately do something about, there's a whole other level of combat for that. Bigger battles, bigger problem-solving strategies are needed for sure. However, let's try managing the manageable stuff with this chat.

What is my point? Don't use a magnifying glass to analyze the small "upsets". Keep them small and manageable. Deal with them, and quickly if possible. If you find yourself saying "I knew this would be a crappy day" after several minor unexpected situations, just wait until tomorrow when new stuff happens all over again. Life is full of minor "disappointments" if you want to call them that, but I dare you to give them another name, and decide to handle them differently. Perspective, it matters how you see it.

These small things are not "gut punchers" and we have to learn to see it that way. They can be annoying, little invaders to our day, disappointing to a degree, but not so much that they send us back to bed to hide under the covers. Call them what they are: small hurdles. Then, daily work on your ability to master leaping over them, and trade frustration, disappointment and getting depressed for enjoying a much better day.~ S.R.F.

Confused About What To Do?

What do you do when you really don't know what to do? Haven't we all been there, like way too many times to count? I wonder if you have learned what I learned on those journeys out of that place of uncertainty?

One of the things I've learned is that there is always something you can do to move from that place of not knowing what to do. I've wasted time with too much pondering various results, sometimes with no real plan of action. We often stymie ourselves with fear, too, so we do nothing. Believe it or not, it's a good choice to at least to do something, even if it turns out to be the wrong thing. At least, you will have moved yourself toward new possibilities. We have to try things and pursue answers until we get it right, or get results of some positive kind. Each step is a step that matters, even if it's small.

Also, forget about perfection. Not everything needs a perfect solution. A "perfect" outcome is something that often is worked toward and out over time. The key to that is "forward" thinking each and every step of the way. And, again, there may be some "imperfections" and wrong moves as you go down these pathways, but keep it moving. That's right, KEEP IT MOVING.

Moving from confusion to confidence is an interesting journey, one that is fully worth the cost of being lost and in the dark as you go. It happens to all of us.You learn so much about navigating life in those "stuck" places. Here is what you need to know: YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE AFRAID OF THE DARK. Make some decisions. Make some moves. Make it make sense. Make the journey. ~ S.R.F.

A "CLIMATE" CHANGE HAS OCCURRED

There is definitely a "climate" change occurring, and I don't mean with the weather patterns and conditions. Life has seemingly changed. People have seemingly changed. Things have seemingly changed. And, if you are truly paying atttention, you may be scratching your head in dismay, confusion and disappointment. True?

If doing life wasn't already challenging enough, that pandemic stuff really threw us for a loop. People are still struggling with the impact. Some are still having mental and emotional challenges trying to get back to a reality that we defined as "normal," whatever that was for them and for us. It's left many living lives filled with fear and anxiety, and others trying to grapple their way forward after such a traumatic few years. If there ever was a climate of "comfort" and stability, so many have lost it.

And, then, there's the political climate. It's shaky to say the least, and is anybody actually considering how all of that is making the American people feel? It's extremely disheartening to me to see all of the unrest among the individuals who are supposed to be thinking and planning in our best interest, WE THE PEOPLE. I keep wondering if we will ever see that happen in truth and process. All the money going toward the war could have changed the lives and circumstances of every human being in this country if it had been used as aid to do so. We desparately needed it, too. I won't pretend to understand the deeper "whys" of the war, but it is not hard to see that the devastation that has occurred is irreparable, the lives of so many will never be the same, and those who have died are forever dead. Yes, that is the real unfortunate truth. It's a dreary, dreadful climate overall, indeed.

So, what do we do? We do whatever we can to protect and balance our sanity. That's all we can do. When the winds of life rage in ways that are beyond our control, all we can do is hunker down and hold on to our heads and hearts. We have to find shelter in the belief that somehow all of this tumultuous "atmospheric" activity will reach a place in time that we can reference as "the calm after the storm." I'm hopeful like many of you, and praying that the sun will come out tomorrow. ~ .S.R.F.

YOU THINK YOU'RE NOT MOTIVATED? THINK AGAIN.

 Is your motivation at rest today? Tired of hearing everyone say "just think positive"? Has the drive you used to have shifted to park, and you feel absolutely no momemtum to put the pedal to the metal anymore? Would a push in the right direction help get you moving, perhaps in an even better way than before? Well, let'see. It's worth a try, you think? Keep reading.

Motivation can seem tricky. We've been taught that it's some kind of lightning bolt energy that propels us into action, the kind of action that can accomplish every goal. That may be true for some, but it is hardly that evident in most of our every day actions. Motivation is taking place all day, everyday, in the things we do, so this is the time to calm yourself down and reel yourself in, understanding the fact that you have not lost or misplaced your motivation. It's still in you and it's still alive and well.

If you made it out of bed, that's motivation. If you did your daily routines and preps for the day, that's motivation. If you headed out the door into the big, grizzly world, that's motivation. You hung in there until the day was done? That's motivation, too. Today alone, you performed many efforts and tasks that required energy, skill, attitude, effort, intelligence, know-how, patience, control and wherewithal to do whatever was accomplished. Pat yourself on the back, because you did it! That took lots of motivation.

Here's a question for you, check any that apply: Did you do it without feeling great? Did you do it without even wanting to? Did you just hate your day, but you got done what needed to be done anyway? Kudos to you, because that kind of motivation is noteworthy! Give yourself credit, because credit is due you. You motivated yourself to do what you had to, in spite of the feelings that challenged you. My thought and theory is that overcoming those inner obstacles is the best kind of motivation there is.

We think of "winners" being motivated in their particular field of sport or competition. We think of high profile individuals who have scaled their dreams and made it to the top. There are many people and things we think of when we measure the successes of those whose motivation must have catapulted them into those glorious places. Here's a news flash: they have often felt the same as you while you achieved success in what you considered drudgery in your daily tasks. It's true.

What is my point? While your goals of the day may be different than others, you ran your race, too. You put your best foot forward, in the right direction. You scaled your seemingly "menial" day stuff, and got to the goal, to the finish line. Wow! Just look at that success! That took motivation, didn't it? Yes, and I encourage you to remember this: that makes you a real winner, too! ~ S.R.F.

SWIFT CHANGE

 It is truly amazing how quickly things can change in a moment, in a day, in life, isn't it? You can feel secure and safe, and then something happens that take you by surprise, catches you offguard, or snatches the rug right from under you. Wholly molly!

Is there a strategy for handling the shifts and the shocks of it all? Well, of course there is.

1. Some changes shake you to the core. If that happened, spend the time you need to wrap your head around it. You may be able to do that in the moment, and maybe not. Some stuff requires time to get a mental and emotional grip on yourself, until you can think straight enough to deal with what is going on. It is often a step-by-step endeavor to do so, so try to remain calm while you collect your thoughts.

2. Quick thinking may be required in some circumstances. If the solution you come up with seems right and applicable for the situation, work with it. The important thing to remember when quick thinking is needed, is to not avoid doing something as a remedy. Things can tend to grow worse if we don't think on our feet and address the issues expeditiously.

3. It may be hard to keep a cool head, composure and not over-react with worry or wrong moves. It does make a difference when we can stay calm and focused, even if the change is riveting. Do the best you can to pull on your inner resources to handle the upset with patience, wisdom and resolve.

The truth is that we can get through our rough patches without losing our minds and our hope. Change is going to happen, and often swiftly. Be ready for it. Be ready to handle it. ~ S.R.F.

Things Just Happen

I know of quite a few people who spend tiring hours, mentally and emotionally trying to figure things out. In a quest to understand the "Why" and the "What" of stuff, there comes with that a type of draining of a healthy mind and spirit.

Does everything have some kind of special or hidden meaning? Is every mysterious occurrence something that requires us to take out our mental magnifying glasses and try to get to the root of the cause? Well, yes and no.

We seem to look for those kind of answers to help us find peace and resolve when we are dealing with matters of life. If we are fortunate enough to find or conjure up some meaning, we feel like we've conquered that obstacle with whatever obscure revelation has come to us. It's not always crystal clear, it's just something that we agree with ourselves that should "make sense" of the situation. It's not always truth, though.

Sometimes, our easiest resolve is that life happens. Things just happen. I believe there are often things we can and should learn in the process, and we can have epiphanies that are life-changing, too. The thing we must guard against is some of the suffering we put ourselves through with the time spent "investigating" the things that happen, days, months, years, and even a lifetime trying to figure out "why did this happen?" or "why did this happen to me?" or "what does this mean?".

I'll share a mental trick I use with you. If I can determine the "cause and effect" of an occurrence, I need not do too much more thinking. It is what it is. If it requires comptemplation, prayer and "listening" within, I present the question, and then watch and wait to see if something gets revealed. There is absolutely no reason to keep asking over and over and over, wearying myself with thinking, seeking and asking. All of that comes with a great mental, spiritual, emotional and time-consuming cost.

What we actually are looking for is peace in those moments of excitement, or desperation and despair. Whatever the case may be in your own life, I enourage you to not spend your whole life trying to "break the case". Just remember that sometimes, many times, things just happen without a sound or meaningful reason. If you can get some wisdom from it, get it. If you can get some type of understanding, embrace that. If you get nothing, move on. That's okay to do, too. ~ S.R.F.

What's Ahead? It's Possible!

Coming out of the gates strong for 2023? Determined to be all you can be this year? You can and you will! 

There's no shortage of possibilities for you. Each day is filled with ideas and imagination. Get a clear view. Hold on to your vision. See yourself victorious. Some steps may feel harder than others while you're in your stride, but keep it moving!

Set your goals, but know that there is often more than one plan of pursuit to get where you want to go. Keep an open mind. It very well could be on a different pathway than you previously thought.

Don't give up when the going is tough. It will get tough. It's all a part of the process. Tough times don't necessarily mean that it is time to quit. It means you toughen up and look for the ways and means to maneuver over the obstacles. There will always be hills, valleys and mountains to climb. Stay focused.

Life is full of promise, possibility and potential. Never does it run low. Never does it run out. Never is there any lack of it. Today set your mind and heart on what you want and what you want to do. It's waiting for you! ~ S.R.F.

Santa Claus is Coming to Town, Like It or Not

The Christmas season is upon us! Everywhere we look, we are reminded that Santa is on the way. Whether you like it or not, believe it or not, ol'Santa is coming to town. Yep, he is on his way! I need to ask: Are you ready? Are you someone who embraces every bit of the joyous holiday aura and atmosphere? Or, are you impatiently counting the days, hours and minutes until it's over? Yay or Nay?

So, is it that you don't believe in Santa, Jesus, Christmas trees and lights, and all the other stuff? You say that the immensity of the holiday hoopla is just a little too much for you? Just not feeling it? Well, here's a not-so-recent news flash: Santa is coming anyway. In other international breaking news, we'll celebrate the birth of Jesus anyway. Maybe you've heard, He's the reason for the season, the Headliner. And yes, trees, lights and decorations will be everywhere anyway. It's happening. Christmas is happening anyway.

There's a reason we go around saying "Happy Holidays" and "Merry Christmas." Well, because it feels good to be happy and merry. If you happen to be a naysayer, how about making a decision to have fun this year? Join in. It's a choice. Of course, you could be crabby and complain, but where's the joy in doing that? I see you. I do. C'mon  and enjoy yourself. Don't be all grinchy. Find your "happy" and muster up some merriment. It's all around you. Grab some. It's one of the best times of the year.  ~ S.R.F.

There's An Answer

Life certainly has more challenges than any of us have prepared for. A myriad of predicaments and problems seem to come more frequently than we have the ready answers for them. And sometimes, seemingly no answers at all for the tougher things. We can find ourselves perplexed, seeking solutions. However, the most important thing to remember is that typically there are solutions, oftentimes there is even more than one.

Here are a few things to consider when issues hit us:

1. Analyze what is going on. Is this a big problem or a small thing? Is it even a "thing" or I am making it a thing? Your perspective is important. You've heard it said "we can make mountains out of molehills"? Keep that in mind. That small thing may require less energy and thinking than you are giving to it. 

2. A bigger issue may require time and strategy, critical thinking and emotional energy. Determine what kind of battle it is. Check for and find resources if you need help. Ask qualified advisors. Pray for guidance. Be careful about making quick attacks on problems that need special or significant consideration to resolve. Haste truly does make waste in many cases, so take it slow and steady if you can. You will get to your solution with more confidence and peace of mind, and likely to the best resolve, too.

3. If you're blowing up the problem bigger than it really is, stop yourself. Take some deep breaths and pull yourself together and handle it to the best of your knowledge, ability and common sense. If you discover that it really was no problem at all, other than the narrative you created, let it go. Let it be. Sometimes we can be guilty of giving a situation smoke and steam just because we don't move on. Don't be that person.

Life requires strategy in so much of our daily life. If we live in that principle, we can maneuver through many of our concerns with greater understanding and ease. ~ S.R.F

Turn Your Crappy Day Into a Happy Day

Some days can start off absolutely crappy. You didn't see it coming, or maybe you did. Either way, it's crappy. Hate it when that happens? Yes, we all do. So what's the thing to do to turn things around?

I have always said that I can't afford to be in a bad mood all day, neither do I want to. So, that's the first thing to think about: what is the cost of going through the entire morning, day, night, week, etc., in a crappy, terrible, horrible mood? It's hard on our mental and emotional state, and it robs us of time we could be doing happier things.

Also, try not to complain. That's like adding fuel to a fire that is already burning out of control. You say something to yourself about how crappy you feel. You say something crappy to somebody else about how you feel. You yell at somebody. You crawl under the covers. You cry, maybe scream. Well, that's maybe worth a few minutes of your time, and hopefully you don't cause any damage to anyone, but get it out if you must, then be absolute about getting on with your day in a better mood. 

Keep in mind, complaining about crappy stuff all day just stole lots of time and interactions that may have been happy and fun. Unfortunately, you can't know because you complained about the crap instead, and you're unable to recoup those hours. You do have the option to NOT do that.

Connect with some better energy. I always look for something funny to read or watch if crappy tries to slap me in the face with some nonsense. It works. Sometimes I find myself laughing so hard, out loud at a meme or a video, or a comedy on TV. It's a deliberate effort to dispel any crappy thoughts and it brings a mountain load of joy. 

Maybe you have a very upbeat, positive friend. Call them and tell them you could use an uplifting word from them. Listen to some great music, the kind you can dance to. And yes, get up and dance. Hug your cat or dog. Go to the park and play like a kid. Find something that has some happy, uplifting energy and connect to it. You will feel better within minutes.

Get out into the fresh air and sunshine. It doesn't matter if it's cold outside. It's the air you need. It's the sun beaming on your face. If it's rainy, listen to the rhythm of the rain. It can be mesmerizing. It just depends on how you see it. Is it a storm, or an orchestra? You decide if it's crappy or not.

Focus on ways to get happy, not on ways for everything and everbody around to "make" you happy. There will be days where you feel defeated, depleted, exhausted and just plain crappy. I get it, but I encourage you to flip the script. Be determined to not allow yourself to be overwhelmed and overcome with those thoughts, regardless of what is happening inside your head or in your atmosphere. Defeat it. Create your happy instead. ~ S.R.F.

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What To Do When You Don't Know What To Do

Life certainly has its abundance of challenges, uncertainties, shifts and change, and unsettling situations. It seems to be a constant and ongoing process of working our way through things for most of us. Very often, we find ourselves in such complicated predicaments that we don't have a clue how to get through them.

I'm not the guru of problem-solving, but I have learned a few major things from the difficulties I've faced, both big and small. Getting over the lumps, humps and bumps ain't always easy. I've learned that you have to put your "game face" on and your stormy-weather coat and boots if you intend to survive some of the things life throws your way. It can be a real fight getting to the other side of those difficulties, but I have found that you can. Here are some things to consider:

1. Keep fighting. As hard as it can feel, keep fighting. You will get weary and tired during the course of some of your problem-solving journeys, but don't stop until you get done what you need to get done. It will feel twice as hard if and when you have to go back and pick up the pieces where they dropped off. Keep fighting and keep figting and keep fighting. It's the only way to assure yourself of a resolution.

2. Keep managing. Stay on top of things as best you can. It's very often critical that you don't lose sight of the things and people who can be instrumental in the process. Sometimes, we are overwhelmed with the problem and feel stuck or paralyzed by it. Recognize at those points that you must keep managing what you can, even if it's only a little bit by bit.

3. Keep believing. Frustration in the midst of problems can diminish and destroy our faith. If we see no end, we want to give up. If we tell ourselves there is no solution or way, we quit. If we feel the odds are against us, we throw in the towel. 

Even when a solution is not clear or evident, even when we have no idea what to do, we have to remember that faith will always take us to an answer. The answer is not always the one that we hoped for, prayed for or imagined, but there is an answer that can prove to be satisfactory and comforting, an answer that provides completion and resolve. And that answer, is exactly the right answer, the one we need most.

With all being said so far, keep going. Keep maneuvering. Keep pressing forward. You will make it through every challenge somehow, and some way, if you do. ~ S.R.F.

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