HOW TO WASTE TIME

Want to know how to waste time? Days, months and years can creep up on you, and before you know it, valuable time has passed by that can't be recouped. Success rarely happens overnight, but whatever your idea is of what that point of achievement looks like, you don't want to let periods of time go by that could have profited you and brought you closer to the pursued objectives.

These are a few of the things that can be obstacles, and a major waste of time:

1. Dreaming a dream and not doing anything to pursue it. We have to make things happen, which means planning and grinding. You can't sit back and expect that all will fall into your lap somehow. It doesn't. It won't. It will be a waste of your time waiting for that to occur. Go for your goals, even if you have to go slow.

2. Wallowing in self-pity after a failure. Whine and complain. Cry for a while. Give yourself a minute to regroup, but whatever you do, don't stay at the pity party wasting time. Work on getting over it, and getting on with your dream.

3. Re-thinking and re-thinking how to reach your goals. Processing helps, but remember that Einstein said to do the same thing over and over and expecting to get different results is insanity. It's also a waste of time. Reflect. Review. Revise.

4. Staying stuck. So, you find yourself at a standstill. Listen, there is a "next". You may have to shut the door on the original plan to get ahead. You may have to start all over. Just do it, and stop wasting time thinking you are done and there is nowhere to go. It's simply not true.

5. Believing you're over and done.  Where is your faith? Catch your breath and shake yourself. If you waste time thinking the game is over, you can lose out on future opportunities because you blinded yourself to them. Possibilities abound. Look for them.

6. Not coming to your own aid. Everybody ain't gonna help you. Stop waiting and waiting and wasting time depending on "someone" to come and make it all happen for you. This is your baby to nurture and grow into something really special. Help yourself. You've got what it takes.

7. Being afraid to knock on new doors. Tired of knocking on doors, so you quit? Say it ain't so! You prefer to just sit around and wait for a door to open? Yes, they can and they do, but waiting could be the wrong effort, because that probably won't happen as quickly as you hoped. Be courageous enough to knock on doors and see what opportunities open up for you sooner than later.

8. Hesitating to follow your gifts. You're gifted in a specific area, and you know it. Put yourself out there so others can see it. Each day that passes by is lost time. Show up for yourself. Hesitation is a bad waiting game, a huge waste of time.

9. Believing that success is supposed to come easy. All I need to say is this, and it's something that I often say: unless you're selling hotdogs and ice cream on the beach, other dreams and goals for success come a little harder to achieve. Be ready to put in the work, and do the time. You don't need to sit back on a setback because things got hard. Pull your together, get up and keep things moving, even when it's hard.

10. Waiting for the right time for something. The right time will be when you develop a plan, and a projected, but not necessarily permanent timeline to get where you want to go. There are a myriad of reasons that make us believe that we must wait for the "right time". You find yourself pondering, years later, and you are still thinking that the right time hasn't come. Unfortunately, it may have come and gone. Do yourself a favor and make the time right.

The clock is ticking. Time is rolling on. The future is before you. Don't let it pass you by. ~ S.R.F.

LEARNING TO LIVE WITH YOUR MISTAKES

Our inner critic, along with the criticism of others, readily remind of us mistakes we've made. Unfortunately, mistakes are often hard to forget. Mistakes are hard to forgive. Mistakes can mess with our hearts, heads and lives. Can we do anything to help ourselves against the battles that mistakes bring?

Everybody is guilty of making mistakes, so let's be clear that we are not in a lane by ourselves. That understanding in itself, should help us make room for some logical processing when it comes to making the mistakes that we do.

If it's a little thing, we should just let it go. If it's a bigger thing, we need to look for solutions. Can it be fixed? Is there redemption? Get to the answers. If we are lazy about rectifying our bloopers, they really can become more and more difficult to deal with, or navigate when it's possible to alter the outcome. We can cry and wallow, feeling sorry for ourselves, or pursue some type of game plan, even if the only game plan is forgiving ourselves for it.

Life is manageable in more ways that we think, THINK being a critical and key factor in the management of stuff, things, and mistakes. Since mistakes seem to play such a devastating role in how we roll with the blunders we create, both common sense and uncommon sense can help. Common sense says "it's going to be okay. I'm going to be okay, mistakes happen." 

Uncommon use of your common sense pretty much says the same things, as well as putting plans, pursuits and possibilities in action that tackles the fixable mistakes. It's common for us to brush things off. It's uncommon for us to look mistakes we make in the eye and work in them and through them with radical and right thinking.

Since the mistakes will keep on coming, learn to live with them, and especially learn to master how you handle them. Most mistakes probably won't kill you, and it's not the end of the world either. So, don't be so tough on yourself. Be tougher with every "fix it" mechanism at your disposal whenever you can, and you can. ~ S.R.F.

WHO'S SORRY?

Ever wonder why apologizing is so difficult? It's because we want to be right. It's because we don't want to admit that we are wrong. It's because we want to have the final say whether we were right or wrong.

We allow damage to occur in relationships when we allow our stubbornness to prevent us from admitting that making an apology could remedy and heal a situation. I saw a video recently of a popular TV judge talking to prison inmates about the reason they were incarcerated. She mentioned "because somebody disrespected you, because somebody said something, and here you are serving time over some foolishness." 

I wondered to myself how short the argument or fight could have been if both parties agreed to agree, or agreed to disagree? While that may not be a formal type of "I'm sorry" or "I apologize," I feel pretty certain that stepping away from an encounter represents an unspoken act of "somebody is wrong here, and maybe it's me. Let's forget it. I'm sorry." Particularly in cases of actions speaking louder than words ever could, it's worth trying this because it works. It's called "emotional intelligence" and it's a game changer.

Would you rather let a rift create a permanent break, burning of a bridge, or closing a door? Depending on the reason, that answer might be yes. However, if it's valuable relationship, if there is way too much to lose, if the rift is not worth the negative results, and IF a simple and sincere apology fixes the whole "thing" or repairs the damage, it's probably a small price to pay.

You'll have to decide the value. Just remember that an apology is free, but the costs for the losses may be quite pricey, and may last a lifetime. ~ S.R.F.

LOVE YOURSELF: It's HEALTHY

Insecurity is a problem for many people. In our comparison culture, there are measurements we challenge ourselves with and they can make us feel unworthy, less than, small and invisible. If we buy into those false conceptions of success personally and professionally, we fall into self-derogation, self-sabotage, and self-destruction traps.

With all these "be this" and "do that" inaccurate perceptions about how to be liked by others, the concept of our own self-appreciation and self-love can get lost in our perspectives of ourselves. Self-love can change how we feel overall, and how we live, move and have our being, and in all of all of our doings in life.

Is self-love a component of self-confidence? Well, the more self-love you feel can definitely contribute to the sense of inner strength and resources within, and of who you are as a person. Self-love can give you bravery and courage. Self-love can create a sense of assuredness as we face life. Self-love is dynamic.

Insecurity will get lost in self-love. Self-love will tell you all the reasons that you should not, cannot, and will not feel insecure. That is how bold self-love can be. 

It's a misnomer that self-love is selfish. Selfishness is another category, and it doesn't touch self-love, unless it's being used in a way that aids and protects ourselves from a wrong or an abuse. You have to be selfish about protecting yourself against what the self-defeating ideas about yourself tell you, thoughts that work against you, and against you loving yourself. ~ S.R.F.

EXCERPT from "Let's Talk About Faith and Self-Love" by Silver Rae Fox, available on Amazon Kindle

THE PERFECT SOLUTION TO IMPERFECTION

I can remember the first time I heard someone say "don't strive for perfection, strive for excellence." That was one of the most powerful statements I'd ever heard about how to maneuver the imperfections in life.  

We want everything to be perfect, and we are typically unhappy, dissatisfied and disappointed when things are not. Every thing that does not show up as "perfect" does not mean it was a failure, a disaster or wrong by definition. These are actually mindsets that can be a danger to our thinking about outcomes and results that occur in our everyday life and circumstances.

Can we help ourselves by checking ourselves when it comes to this idea that every thing must be perfect, that every effort must manifest perfection, that life must be perfect, that WE must be perfect? Yes, we must check in within ourselves if we are going to have a healthy approach to the matters of life occurring now, and momently.

First, ask yourself if you are trying to appear perfect and make your life look perfect, so that other people think you are perfect? That's a hard act to keep up, friends. If this is you, you probably learned after your first or second "act" at being perfect that was going to take a lot of time and effort, and maybe money, too. I believe we can try to be our very best selves, but to be perfect in the sense that we, and our lives have no visible flaws or flubs, that's an absolute NO can do. All of us have flaws and flubs, stuff that we never want anyone to see or know about us, but a "perfect" cover-up is not the answer.

Well, secondly, the answer is to know that we are enough, and more than enough in many cases, just as we are. We are dynamic human beings, created for awesome things. We don't need to give appearances of perfection. What we need is to show up in life, having taken all our gifts and opportunities and polish them with excellence. That's how we shine!

A perfect score on a test is great. A perfect thing can happen. Perfect results do happen. However, remember this: Excellence shows. Excellence is achievable. Excellence in maintainable. Excellence is a great goal. Excellence is a great builder of our self-esteem. Excellence is not something that wearies all of your efforts like trying to look perfect does. Excellence has a look, too, and it's powerful. Think about that, and create for yourself a more excellent mindset to live by. ~ S.R.F.

There Is No Ten Count In Life: STAY IN THE RING

Life can be a fight. Things happen that can literally knock the breath out of you. 

Unexpected change. Unanticipated turns in the road. Unhappy occurrences, just to name a few tough issues we face and challenges that meet us on any day. Plain and simple, awful things can happen, and they do.

What do we do? Well, as hard as it is, there are choices that can be made. While we may not always have immediate or even long-term answers and solutions, and important vehicle to our wisdom and understanding, patience and endurance, is that we have to fight our desire to give up. 

Circumstances can push against the ropes. One life-punch after another can have us feeling so dazed that we lose good judgement about our next move. Gut punches in life catch us off-guard, and when they do, we think we may never be able to swing back.

And, then, there are those things that hit us so hard that we fall flat out, seemingly unable to recover and get back on our feet again. We are down, we are knocked out. Our will to win seems to have depleted.

Maybe not. I've learned that there is no ten count in life. I've learned that we can get back up, even if the count is up to a thousand. Yes, things happen that make you feel like getting up and back into life is impossible. It feels impossible, but in so many situations, it's not. Making the choice and decision to stay in the ring isn't always easy, but we can get and take opportunity after opportunity to keep going and keep trying. It's often our choice alone.

You've heard the saying "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." Many comeback stories have a history of trying again and again, and again. Whether it's one of having enough faith to continue, or enough fortitude to push forward, they got back into the fight, and you can too. 

I encourage you to fight. I encourage you muster up the fortitude to say you're going to get up and keep swinging back at life. I encourage you to keep your faith in optimal fighting condition.

There is no ten count in life, so don't count yourself out. ~ S.R.F.

CLICK HERE to get your copy of Stay In The Ring on Amazon!

LOVE YOURSELF: It's a Good Thing

Self-love is an important concept. Don't let anybody fool you about that. You may feel worthless, because some one said you were. You may have been abused. You may feel like a failure because all of your dreams faded. There may be a myriad of reasons that you haven't embraced yourself in your own love. 

I have some encouragement and suggestions on how you can. It's a step-by-step awareness of your own value. It's a process of unlearning the negative messages you have come to accept, from yourself and others around you. You are worthy of all you hope to become. You deserve it. You can be it.

Don't expect a parade when you get there. This element and powerful growth journey is about you celebrating you. It's about praising yourself. It's about you giving yourself the pats on the back that you want. It's about you giving yourself high-fives. It's about you showing you that you love you. 

You won't always get accolades and support from people around you, and that's okay. I'll say it again: Self-love is about YOU. If you spend your life trying to get the applause of people around you, you will be tired from the start. If others do celebrate you, that's great. But, if they don't, it doesn't necessarily mean you aren't doing your own thing well. You have to know for yourself what your goals are and why. You can listen to insights from others that are helpful an encouraging, but in most cases you can be your own jury and judge about how you assess who, what and where you are in life, and on life's journey. Be fair and easy on yourself when you do it. Beating yourself up is no way to show yourself that you love you. 

Approval from others is good when it is authentic, loving and sincere. However, to base your love for yourself always on the acceptance, validation and approval from others will not be the pathway to self-love success. Self-love is a growth journey, and I believe it's one that you will love.

Start now. It will be a giant step for some of you, I know. What you achieve in the process is so rewarding that you will never again look back at the person or the place you stepped away from, the YOU who now says to yourself "I'm going to give me all the love I need to be the best person I can be." 

I certainly agree with you!  ~ S.R.F.

CLICK HERE to get your copy of  "LOVE YOURSELF: 75 Empowering Perspectives on Loving Yourself" on Amazon Kindle!

Hurry Up For What?

Quick! Fast! In a hurry? I have a question: how's that working for you? 

Everyday I run into people who are moving fast, talking fast, and attempting to get things done in a hurry. I also get to see them make many mistakes in the process. Perhaps they thought doing something quick would get them ahead of "the game" somehow, but it didn't. Instead, that so-called quick-thinking and doing disrupted the natural order of the strategy or process. It's called "putting the cart before the horse," which gets us nowhere fast. You do this enough and you realize it's not worth the fail, so slow down:

1. Think things through, first. It will save time, money, headaches, setbacks, embarrassment and shame.

Haste truly does make waste in a great majority of cases. When you think the "there's just no time" theory, consider practicing taking a few more minutes to re-think, re-write, reconsider and re-analyze. Even if it's something as simple as running late for work, you can wake up earlier. You could do more prep at night. You could put your phone aside until you have five or ten minutes to browse through it. Sometimes the remedy is truly a simple one.

2. Wherever you are struggling with hurrying or going too fast, figure out a way to move into a comfortable place time-wise. Time is not against you. How you manage it is up to you. Slow your roll. The clock will keep ticking, but what could you do differently? Not wait until the last minute? Did you miscalculate the time the task would take? Didn't give yourself enough time in the first place? These habits get us in trouble all the time. Break up with them! Decide to marry a different mindset. Say "I do" to yourself by reeling yourself back into real time and start there. Figure out what makes what you need to do make sense.

3. Distress and stress can be minimized and avoided. Don't speed. Don't run that red light. I mean this in terms of driving in reality of course, but I also mean this in terms of real daily tasks and responsibilities, from the simple stuff to the big deals. Watch your pace. Gauge it. Everything does not get accomplished with speed, a tap or a swipe, and if you believe it does, nothing you've read here is going to work for you. However, if you want to see success after success in your relationships, at work and in your work, at home and with friends, slow down and ask yourself this valuable question as you make your moves: "Hurry up for what?" Here's what is going to happen: You will surprise yourself often with your answers, and with your results. Try it!

~ S.R.F.

Wake Up With The Right Mindset

Breaking mindset patterns can be extremely difficult to do. You may not even realize that what you think contributes greatly to your mood, your motivation, and your methods of operation all day long. For instance, feeling miserable may be a reality if you actually have cause to feel that way; however, feeling miserable all day may be something you told yourself to feel, based completely on what patterns of thought you entertainment from your waking moment to every moment, day to day, and so on, and so on.

Let's say your eyes pop open at 6am and you think, unenthusiastically: "Geez, time to get started with another day." "I am already tired."  "I hate going to this job." "Ughhhh...I hate my life."  All this, or something that sounds a lot like it, before your feet even hit the floor! 

I'm putting you on notice today, because that thinking has to stop if you want to feel happier, have more fulfilling days, and enjoy a happier life. Those negative thoughts and verbalizations are intruders that guide you into exactly the kind of day you thought of and spoke of. Not everybody and everything is making you miserable. You are making yourself miserable. The good news is that you can change the thing that changes everything by breaking those patterns.

How do you start? I suggest trying new messaging. Right beside my bed, I have a small framed sign in bold, gold letters that says "Darling, you can change the world." How about that for an eye-opener every morning? Can I change the world in reality? I won't say no, but maybe, because I'm not quite done yet with bringing as much inspiration as I possibly can into the lives of others. While I may not change the entire world, I definitely can change somebody's world. Those are just facts, People, just plain facts. I can do that. That message is so positive, engaging, and inspiring. and I love reading it.

Anyway, it helps to make a deliberate effort all day to change negative patterns and mindsets. Be determined to break up with your old, wearying thoughts. Put up your own little signs in your bedroom, your bathroom, your office or cubicle, or where ever you know your eyes will flow frequently. It can be a game-changer for you. Eventually, those messages will go from you taking in a deep breath when you read them, to being enlightened and entertained by them, to putting some pep and positive thinking into your head. These messages will become imprinted in your mind's eye, and they will catch hold of your heart by surprise, too. You'll feel it. That dreary, dread the day attitude will become history. You'll look forward to waking up with a different kind of mental vigor and vitality, because you changed your own little world, all by yourself. Yay, for you! ~ S.R.F.

BE FLEXIBLE

Do you sometimes feel like you have lost control of things in your life? Do you feel like planning and
decision-making are often futile attempts at getting things done? Are you feeling like the more you do, the more undone things become?

Well, believe it or not, there is one solution that will work for you in every case: stay flexible.

Life is ever-changing. Circumstances and situations can easily take a turn. The best laid plans can be detoured. One moment things are a certain way, and in the very next moment, they are not. You get the picture. Even when you think things are set in stone, the potential for a plot twist may be lurking. 

Is all of this a bad thing? Certainly not, depending on your perspective. Several helpful keys are to anticipate change, expect the unexpected, prepare to be unprepared. Life happens, all day, and one of the best skill sets we can put to use is flexibility.

It's not always just a "go with the flow" train of thinking, although depending on the issue, that may be the only option and the only thing that works. At other more challenging and complicated junctures, critical thinking has to be put to pen and plan, and in even more unexpected "take your breath away" occurrences in life, your flex may require help, hope and healing, and a lot of time adjusting to the change.

The important thing to remember is that life is full of ups and downs, twists and turns, mazes and tunnels, fog, valleys and slippery slopes. How you handle those moments and days is by fighting the negativity and focusing positively every step of the way, and not giving in to the pressures of daily life. They will come. Stay flexible, in the sense that you can ride the waves and not drown, and bend with the wind, but not break. 

Flexibility takes thought, processing and practice. The more you do of it, you will find that you'll have more days of smooth sailing than you can imagine. ~ S.R.F.

You're probably off to a great start in 2024! Goals set. Mind made up. Direction in focus. Plans in place. Highly motivated. Ready! 

Is that you? Great! Just in case you start to feel a little slack, or if you start to feel somewhat stuck, remember these key elements for getting where you want to go!

1. Don't let the distractions stop or discourage you. There will be something every single day that feels like an obstacle. It may be people. It may be your plan taking a shift. It may be unexpected circumstances and stuff. It may be you tempted to rethink it. Don't let the enemies to success fool you. They will be there no matter what it is you attempt to achieve. Realize that. Roll over them like a big ol' bulldozer that's on a mission to make the roadway smooth to your goals.

2. Avoid negative observations, talk and assessments of your situation, regardless of how "left" things may look at times. Your perspective is everything. You will follow your own voice if you complain about things not going "right". It's called self-sabotage, and you will cause your whole effort to fall apart when you speak negatively of it, even if it feels like what you think or say is completely accurate and innocent. Don't risk things taking a wrong turn. Throw those negative messages to the wayside. Watch your mindset and watch your mouth. 

3. It's all worth it! Even if it's a small achievement, you will be so proud of yourself! Be sure to count every move you make and every step you take as win! Celebrate it, no matter how little it seems or how insignificant it is to you or anyone watching to see your results. This is all about you! Every time you can put a check mark beside something you did, do it. It means you are moving and shaking things up. Be determined to ease on down your road, and keep it going!

Make this year YOUR year! Own it! ~ S.R.F.

Let It Go and Let's Go Forward!

As Christmas wraps up, we move into the New Year with just as much excitement, but sometimes with regret, too. We've pondered our faults, fumbles and failures, getting ready to make new commitments with intention and purpose. Statistics say we forget about most of what we said we would do within two to three weeks post January 1. I wonder why? Sounds good to say it? Perhaps, but it is a grand thing if we follow through. Here are some thoughts that can help:

1. Don't make a pledge you know you can't keep. That's self-sabotage that leads to feelings of failure. Avoid it.

2. Highlight every good move and measure you have already taken about anything. It's fuel enough to motivate you to accomplishing more.

3. DO NOT DWELL ON past failures. We've all failed at many things, and if we stayed stuck there, what would this world look like? The best of failures have brought forth some of the most incredible inventions in history.

4. DO NOT TELL YOURSELF one more time that you can't do it better this coming year. YOU CAN! Be determined and unstoppable this time.

5. Go easy on yourself if it feels like the goals are not goal-ing in the right direction some days. Believe it or not, that's pretty normal. Plans and goals very often require adjustments along the way.

6. Discouraged already?! Say it ain't so! Keep yourself on "full" with motivating music, recordings, videos, messages and empowering self-talk. Motivate yourself!

7. Don't quit. If you quit anything, quit fretting. Quit complaining. Quit having pity parties. Quit giving energy to negative thoughts. Quit hanging out with negative people. Quit putting yourself down. Quit giving your power away. Quit anything that isn't moving you toward your happy places. Quit anything that is stealing your peace. Perfect this kind of quitting.

8. Show up for yourself. We don't always find the encouragement and high-fives we would like to have from others. Tell yourself you're awesome. Tell yourself you're amazing. Tell yourself you're powerful. Tell yourself these things even on the days that everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. Stay in the game no matter what!

9. It can get lonely when you are trying to have your best intentions manifest into your best life, but stay focused on your plan and your destiny. It's your idea. It's your lane. It's your purpose. It's your dream. You don't need a team to believe in yourself, just YOU.

10. Let stuff go that feels like a burden to you, your life, your heart and soul. If you want to move forward, it won't benefit you to have stuff that doesn't really matter dragging you down. Let it go. Let's go forward into 2024 with the eye of a tiger, fierce and focused on reaching our goals. No regrets! Reach for those dreams and make them a reality!

~ S.R.F.