Thursday, September 12, 2013

Got Anger? Wait a Minute...or Longer.

Do you have one of those tempers that goes from zero to sixty in less than five seconds? Are you constantly feeling like you have to put someone in check, and you actually do it? Are you the person who is ready to start a fight and finish it? If so, Whoa! Wait! I want to talk to you for a minute.

Do they call you the "B" with the bad attitude?
The potential for damage being done is at high risk when we lack management of our emotions. We hurt people, most times it's people we love and care about. We damage relationships with significant individuals that sometimes leaves them broken beyond repair. We destroy ourselves, because our personality "flaw" becomes who people around us begin to label us as, the "b!#&*" with the bad attitude, or the person with anger issues. In the end, no one  wants to become the brunt of the brutish, uncontrollable behavior you splatter everywhere. 

Anger and attacks have to be managed by the individual, not always by the circumstances. Circumstances can't be allowed to dictate our behavior. We recognize situations, yes. We respond to them, yes. We react to them, yes. However, HOW we recognize, respond and react is key:

1. RECOGNIZE that you will never have complete control over things, people and stuff. Stuff is going to happen, whether it is self-imposed or not doesn't matter. People are going to do their thing without your approval or permission. It is not worth the emotional energy and turmoil trying to "make" situations go the way you think they should. Keep your blood pressure and your anger in check when things and people don't seem to be cooperating. It can be disappointing and frustrating, but the fact is, you are harming your own head and health in the process. 

Try this: STOP. Wait a minute. Seriously. As soon as you feel the anger rising up, STOP. Don't yell. Don't scream. Don't break anything. Don't hit anybody. STOP. Go somewhere alone for a minute and and reel yourself back in.

2. RESPOND with more EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE. That means THINK.  That means THINK WISELY. That means THINK WISELY and don't go off. The real issue may not be what is happening. The real issue may be how you are handling it. Wait for a minute, and just THINK. Do you really want to create additional drama? Do you really want to be seen as an out-of-control crazy person? Do you want to lose whatever may be at risk, i.e., your job, your friend, your relationship, your reputation? I'll answer that for you: NO. Start teaching yourself to respond with more calm, and you will see that you will have better outcomes.

3. REACT by choice. You must DECIDE how you are going to react when you feel the anger demon coming on. Let's say you are driving and suddenly you see that you are about to hit something. What's your immediate reaction? You hit your brakes, of course, and make every attempt to not go head-on into it. Well, that's exactly how you are going to have to train yourself to react in every situation when you feel like you are about to "hit" something emotionally. Put on the brakes. Wait a minute. Make every effort to not go head-on into your tirade. DECIDE to swerve left or right, and miss the encounter altogether. Deciding to say nothing or just walk away is a mature way to avoid a collision.

Many people don't believe that they can control their tempers, but you can. Your temper doesn't have a mind of it's own. YOU rule it and over it. You can tell it what to recognize, how to respond and how to react. Remind yourself to WAIT A MINUTE when  you feel the temperature rising. If it takes a few seconds longer, that's okay. That's all the time you need to dodge a collision, and save yourself and everyone else  from any possible damage. A minute is all you need to get to a "cool", safe place in your head. Get to that place, and stay parked.

~ S.R.F.

Silver Rae Fox is a personal and professional development expert and coach, author, and the radio host of FOXOLOGY TODAY on Blog Talk Radio. If you would like to have Silver scheduled to speak or participate in your next in-person, television or radio event, email your request to, or contact the Pastorini-Bosby Talent Agency at 713-266-4488.

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