Are you PAYING attention?

Paying Attention to What?

You've heard it said before, "You live and you learn." When I think back over the years of my life, I really wish I had paid more attention to so many things. I didn't always learn my lesson from the mistakes I made. I made some of them over and over again and again, and it was costly. I was living, I was learning, but I wasn't always paying attention to the most significant parts of the lesson.

Life is always offering up information, ideas, concepts, guidance, inspirations and yes, many life lessons for us. It's so true. I've learned the hard way that the price you pay for them can be high. I can say I'm really rich with understanding about so many things now, however building up that "bank" of wisdom came with some very pricey deposits.

Change, for instance. Something happens and life changes suddenly. Our first response may be frustration, resistance, anger and fear. In the midst of that cloudy mindset and those overwhelming emotions, we can miss that the change may be the bridge to something bigger and better for us, something greater. The tendency is "fight or flight" and I took flight a many times. You know what? I overlooked some important opportunities because of that. If I had paid better attention, attention to what I could or should learn in the midst of the change, perhaps the gains may have been bankable, the tangible kind of bankable.

I pay lots more attention now to everything. I evaluate my own thinking. I evaluate my actions. I evaluate possible outcomes. While I love wisdom, one valuable lesson I've learned is that it doesn't always have to come with such a high price, like falling, failure and being your own worst enemy. Yes, you live and you learn. I've learned to give many things the attention they need at the start, and I assure the lessons are still rich, but the price you pay is much cheaper when you do. ~ S.R.F.

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MORE THAN ENOUGH ROOM

There's Room For Your Dream

Got your toes stepped on? Somebody snatched "your" dream position? Somebody stole your idea? Got stabbed in the back? Or even worse, got stabbed in the front? You call them thieves and dreamcrashers, huh? Well, maybe they are, or maybe not.

I admit, some folks can be quite ruthless. Fortunately, it's not hard to tell who they are, but to give them credit for running off with your success is something we may need to reTHINK. If my one "good idea" got sabotaged somehow and I can't think of another one, I had better check my "idea gauge". Ideas are abundant. I can promise you that there is another one where that "one" came from. Believe that, and in the process, believe that there is more than enough room for it to take root and manifest into that big, big, BIG ol' dream you've got swirling around in your head. 

Don't dare wallow in anger and angst thinking that someone has taken "your space" away from you. Think again. Dream anew. Do something else. Let the thought go that you have been violated somehow. Even if that's true, move on to a bigger dream. There is no such thing as "no more real estate available" for what you want to do. It's your mind, and it's free and open territory for some of the most incredible and inventive thoughts and ideas to birth. Think. Cultivate. Grow them.

So, you got your toes stepped on? Well, okay. OUCH. Wiggle your toes, wipe the dirt off and keep steppin' FORWARD. Somebody snatched your dream position? Wish them well. Set your sights on an even higher rung on the ladder. Got stabbed in the back, or front? Sure, it hurts. You will heal. Take the knife out, but don't do the same to your haters and naysayers. Instead, use it to carve out the wonderful niche you are about to create for yourself. That's what smart dreamers do. 

~ S.R.F.

YOU ARE ON THE ROAD TO SOMEWHERE

Where Is Life Taking Me?

Have you ever asked yourself "Where is life taking me?" It's a darn good question, particularly when the pathway gets clouded with disturbances, distractions and detours. We wonder where we're going, where we are, and how did I get "here". If only there were simple answers, I would gladly share them with you. What I do know is this: we can look for the nearest pathway that will help us get back on the road to "somewhere" that makes sense.

Sometimes when I have found myself off track, I wanted to take the "expressway" to a better place fast. But, there was no expressway. In fact, there was no easy access to where I wanted to go and where I desired to be. Whatever caused my "detour", put me in the midst of roads that were under construction or places where I now had to take a longer, less smooth thoroughfare. Ugly, rocky roads are no fun, especially when you didn't anticipate that part of the journey. I've done a lot of cross-country driving, and so I've learned that to be true in life and on actual roads. Whenever I discovered I was in uncomfortable spots, I was forced to slow down and watch the signs very carefully until I was on smooth, safe highway again.

Life requires we do just that when our "roads" seem to be taking us somewhere, but nowhere. You may have to slow your speed, but keep the pedal close to the metal anyway. Watch the "signs". Pay attention to the directions that say "re-route". Know your "destination" is still somewhere ahead, even though you had to map it out differently. Then, the next time that life seems to put you on an unusual or unexpected path, and the question that comes to mind is "Where is life taking me?", encourage yourself with this answer: "It's taking me wherever I want to go"!

~S.R.F.

NEGATIVE THINKING: Get Outta Here!

Say "Bye" to Negative Thinking!

Negative thinking is a destroyer of hopes, dreams and aspirations. If you are among the many of us who feel like a plan or two got thwarted, you know exactly what I'm talking about. You leaped, but didn't land quite where you thought you would. It wasn't because you didn't do everything right, it was because of all the stuff that happened that made you THINK you didn't. That is what negative thinking does. It blinds you to the truth.

Well, what is the truth? I am so glad you asked! It's not new news, but let's cover some highlights anyway:

1.  The same faith that created the vision is the same faith that will help you get back on the right track. Pick yourself up. Dust yourself off. Polish up your faith. It ain't over. You may have to start again, and again. Don't let even one negative thought tell you that you can't. You can!

2.  You have run out of resources, you say? If I were to tell you how may times I had to create "something from nothing", you would say "Lord, Jesus! What manner of faith is that?!" It's the kind of faith that says I have God and all of the wherewithal inside me to press and pursue. Somehow, little by little it comes together again. When you allow negative thinking to convince you that you are down for the count, that you got the "knock-out punch", you will lose. However, if you know there is a winner in you, a true champion, you get back up. You may lose that fight, but you always get back in the ring ready for the next one.

3.  When crappy stuff happens, negative thinking will make you belittle and blame yourself for everything. Certainly it is smart to analyze mistakes and poor strategies, but all of us

experience crazy stuff. When those ugly thoughts start to bombard or block you, throw up your defenses. Say "bye" to them. Even if you don't know what to do next yet, start combating every one of them by kicking them out. Emphatically declare "Bye!" When you show them the exit, the entrance to a new train of thought opens up for you. When it does, you are back in the game.

Regardless of what those negative thoughts try to tell you, you can and will succeed. You can believe that. It's the truth and nothing but the truth.

~S.R.F. 

YOU LIVE AND YOU LEARN

Where Is The Lesson?

You live and you learn. How many of us have heard that a thousand times? How many of us have said it to ourselves when another experience has provided us additional clarity or another lesson? It's true that life is full of "educational" experiences, if we pay real good attention.

I don't believe the philosophy that "everything happens for a reason". I believe that everything that happens has happened "because of a reason". I know I dare to go against the grain of many individual belief systems when I say it, but I don't believe that there is perpetrating cause for every happening. I feel that we do ourselves a disservice when we go with that train of thought, because it assists us in avoiding underlying causes and effects in the situations and circumstances surrounding our lives, and creates a separation in our observation when we really need to apply common sense and reality to things that happen.

I think of some of the hardest places I've been, some of the hardest things I've faced, some of the excruciating situations I've dealt with, and I can honestly say that some of it was self-propelled in one way or another. I can't truly fault anyone other than myself, and certainly not the God I believe loves me. I have learned that I can look things squarely in the eye and say that these things that have happened can teach me, strengthen me, and provide me with experience that I can share with others. You live, and you will experience things. You learn, if you can grab hold of a lesson or two.

If you have questions about your life that have had you perplexed and frustrated, let me encourage you with a very loving suggestion: ask "Where is the lesson"? You will get an answer if you honestly and earnestly seek it. When you do, it will change your "Why?" into a self-awakening kind of clarity that will help you look at life much differently. 

Let's look at this: Suppose you really wanted to know why your car engine broke down. Unless you are an automotive expert of some kind, you don't know why. However, if the automotive technician dismantled every part and explained it to you, you would see and understand much better the "mechanics" of it all, and that many, many elements make it work. When we have "breakdowns" in life, similar things apply and the "reason" is apparent and sometimes obvious when we take a deeper look. "Why" the car broke down is because some part malfunctioned. "Why" life breaks down isn't necessarily because you were "targeted". Of the many "parts" and "systems" that make life work at its best, "parts" of it fail and malfunction for one "reason" or another. You learn what that is when you look for it.

~ S.R.F.

Can You Survive?

Rolling With the Punches

Heartache. Heartbreaks. Disappointments. Challenges. Failure. Grief. Loss. Hopelessness. Fear. Life has no shortage of unexpected events like these. They come, and they can be really hard to handle. Finding ways to cope is one thing when things do happen, feeling like you won't survive is another. Many of life's difficulties will take your breath away, and not in the good way. We can feel like we just wanna die. We feel like we can't take it. We feel like we can't make it. We are certain that we won't survive.

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I won't throw any cliches at you, because that has rarely worked for me when I'm suffering a blow. I understand how hard it can be when a hard thing happens, and that's why I want to share a couple of what I think are thought-worthy ideas about what may help you survive, or at least learn how to roll with the punches:

1. Face reality. After you come through the initial shock, facing reality helps to put things in perspective, even when it's a horrible ordeal. If you don't start at reality, it is very difficult to heal or come up with a healing strategy. It will be painful, but challenge yourself to do it.

2. Stir up your faith.  Having faith means that you know that you can survive. Faith doesn't always tell you HOW you will get past things, but continuous applications of faith work. Faith helps you remind yourself that you will at some point be better than you are right now.

3. It won't kill you. It won't kill you, unless you let it. You will survive if you decide to. You will conquer if you will it to be. You will live to tell your story of how you overcame such a terrifying, knockout blow. It takes time. It takes courage. It takes the ability to understand that stuff happens unfairly, weirdly, unexpectedly, and sometimes it is just some very hard stuff to explain. Accept that. Just know that when you get past all the head-wracking thoughts and questions, there are still more breaths to take. Take one at a time.

~ S.R.F.

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What's Blocking Your View?

Obstacles, Obstacles, Obstacles: Real or Imaginary?

Yep, stuff gets in the way. Stuff gets in the way of most everything, or seemingly so. There are few

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smooth pathways to success. There are often hurdles to clear and roadblocks to get around. Whether it be business or career, or life in general, anything can be  thrown off course or detoured if we're not careful. Here's the thing: sometimes there are real obstacles, and sometimes we just create them. Either way, to keep maneuvering we have to move them. It's not always easy or simple, but it is a must.

I've learned a lot about obstacles. They can feel much bigger than they are. The can seem insurmountable. They can discourage you. They make you question yourself and whatever it is you are trying to accomplish. Not only do they make you feel like quitting, they make you quit. I would never say "Oh, just push harder. Move that obstacle." I wish it was that easy. What I would say is this: Face off with it. Look straight at it. If whatever you are going for is important enough, muster up all of the mental strength, determination, patience, positive thinking, faith and fortitude you can, and NOW push harder! Obstacles can be moved, but not if you stand still or quit.

~ S.R.F.

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Loving Yourself

Count the Ways that You Can

Begin now. Yes, right now. Start loving yourself immensely. Start loving yourself intensely. Start a campaign today to love you!

How, you ask? Well, I'm glad you asked! I have some answers! I said, some not all, but here are a few suggestions that should get you started with this amazing love affair with yourself:

1. First, LOOK IN THE MIRROR. That beautiful, handsome person is truly special, worthy of attention, time, love and appreciation. You need fun. You need excitement. You need renewal. You need rejuvenation. You need recreation. You need rest and relaxation. You will be in charge of subtracting the ripping and running from your life. You will spearhead the plan to eliminate chaos and drama. You will be in command of the "I can't do everything for everybody" sign-in sheet. In short, you will now put yourself in the "PRIORITIES" time slot on the regular.

2. CONNECT with the people and places that make you feel passionate and purposeful. When you are valued and loved in your places and spaces in life, you feel a deeper sense of joy and satisfaction within. That, my Friend, translates into self-love, and it feels good.

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3. Choose what you love. Decide to have and be what you love. Add to the list as often as necessary. Subtract whatever irritates, agitates and what goes against the grain.  Look at what is in your life that is standing in the way of you loving yourself well. What works? What doesn't? What has to go? Face those questions boldly. Don't be afraid to say "been there, done that. It didn't work." 

Be good to you. Love YOU, and, remember that nobody can love you as good as you can love YOU!

~ S.R.F.

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Fight Until You Win

The Power of Endurance

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Ever wonder why life always seem like an uphill fight? It's true, at times it does. However, mastering your reactions to those experiences is key. You've heard it said, "Life is ten percent what happens and ninety percent how we react to it." Well, to stay on top of it and not let it pile on top of you does take some keen skill sets, but you can do it. Here are a few insightful strategies for rising to each and every distressful occasion:

1. Recognize what is happening. Fatigue is normal. Stagnant places are normal. Feeling like giving in or up is normal. Overwhelming frustration can be "normal" depending on the depth of things. But listen, if you prolong these feelings, wallow in them or have a party with them, that's when you have to give yourself a wake-up call, grab the bull by the horn and shake yourself. Get a grip, get control and get to the issue at hand.

2. Analyze the issue. What is the bottom line to the situation? Look at it carefully and make some concrete decisions on how to move on it, even if it's slowly. Do something. Most things don't solve themselves.

3. What are the "fix it" options? Fix it if you can. If it requires outside help, look for it. Look at the solutions. Consider them with soundness and thoughtfulness. Make a decision. Make a plan. Work your plan.

4. Determine what the end should look like. If you imagine overcoming, conquering and winning, what does the end result look like? Are you happier? Are you richer? Are you more financially secure and debt-free? In a new business or career? Married? Single? In a new home? Make it a personal mission to make every decision that will take you in the direction of the successful end that you SEE.

5. Fight until you get there! If you are able to do these first four things, the only thing left to do is emphatically put the mental and physical attention and actions into it. Believe you will get there. Endure the process. There is power in endurance. It's the road to victory! 

~ S.R.F.

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HAPPY NEW YEAR!

It's 2016! Are You Off to a Strong Start?

It's the perfect time for review, and the perfect time for a reNEWable, reDOable, reYOUable you!

I know you're making resolutions, and it's important that you do. Those resolutions help us get focused on goals and accomplishments that are meaningful to us in so many ways. Sometimes the hardest part in reaching these personal and professional milestones is staying on track, but we can.

Here are a few STEPS that will help to keep you going in the right direction:

S:   SAY it like you mean it. Whatever that goal of yours is, emphatically state it, and state it often throughout the day. Say it convincingly to yourself and everybody else if you have to!

T:   Take all roads leading to it. Listen to relevant CDs that will motivate you. Watch videos that inspire you. Join online groups and activities that are doing what you want to do. All of this will keep you going in the direction of those goals.

E.   Engage in everything you can that's related to your goal. Read articles and books about it. Connect to empowering networks and clubs. Hang out with like-minded people who are on the same course as you are.

P:   Pay attention to the process and your progress. Review and review. Ask "am I getting there?" "Is it working" "Am I making some progress?" Also, give yourself checkpoints for your own accountability: 15 days in. 30 days in. 6 months in. If there is no progress, make a new plan. If you did make progress, PROCEED!

S:   See your success. Imagine it. Meditate on it. Daydream about it. Paste pictures around your environment. See the victory in your mind's eye. The more you visualize it, the more you'll believe it's possible. The more you see it, the more you'll want it and the more you'll keep working to get there.

Whatever you do, don't quit. Don't give up. Don't give in. Start strong, and you'll stay strong! Using these empowering S.T.E.P.S. for positive reinforcement will surely help you achieve those 2016 goals!

S.R.F.

STRAIGHT FROM THE FOX'S MOUTH

Stay In the Ring!

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Some things in life come with unexpected, very tough blows. When those tragedies happen and unforeseen trials come, it can rock our entire world. You can feel hopeless and defeated. It's never easy, but I have found that the only way to win is to not let discouragement and despair take over. That, in itself, is truly the biggest fight of all. How do you beat down these foes, you ask? You've heard it time and time again, and I'll say it again: we must never give up. As hard as it seems, if you fight back, somehow, some way, you can win.

Let's start here. You ready? Put on your fighting gloves. Here are a few strategies for FIGHTING BACK:

• It's YOUR fight. Try to catch your breath. Deal with the pain. Patch yourself up. Whine, cry, fuss, cuss, throw a fit, and then get yourself mentally ready to come up with a fighting plan. Whatever you do, remember that giving up isn't a plan. It's quitting. Don't give in. Don't give up. 
• You can conquer it. This doesn't mean that every problem disappears with a swift knockout punch. Some do. Some don't. Conquering means that you managed to keep your footing in spite of what happened. It means that you fought off discouragement, failure and defeat. You didn't let the challenge consume your ability to move forward in life. 
• A little "fight" can go a long way. I can remember one of my lowest points in life. I could barely think a moment past the pain and difficulty. It felt like more than I could ever bear, but somehow I told myself that I could do it. I had to dig real deep, but I found an inkling, and I do mean just an inkling of strength. I told myself not to think about tomorrow, or next week, or next year, or anytime futuristic. I told myself to just think about right now, this moment and this second. It was a long journey, but one second went into another. Those seconds turned into minutes, those minutes into hours and days and weeks and years. I survived because I fought little by little to get back into life. You can, too. Fight little by little if you have to. Ultimately, you will win if you stay in the ring. ~ S.R.F.

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"Stay In The Ring"

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STRAIGHT FROM THE FOX'S MOUTH

Finding Your "FAIR"

Is life fair? What do you think? Indeed, it is a "fair" question, so let's look at it.

It sure seems like some folks have more "privilege" than others. It's obvious that some people are rich while others constantly struggle financially. It appears that opportunities that come to some just don't seem to come to all. However, to say that this is unfair may well depend on your view of things rather than the actual view of reality.

Perhaps, too much time is spent on the idea of what others do and have. The truth is, the manner and means by which "they" have acquired their success and money required some planning, hard work and sweat. Somewhere down the road somebody did the work. Few things come easy. Onlookers think so because we mostly see the results of their aspirations and labor, not the time and toil that was put into it.

What is FAIR? Keep It Real

Let's keep it really real. What do YOU want? What is it that you need to get out of life that  will make you feel you've gotten what is "supposed to" come to you? Once you answer and analyze that question, and if you are really being honest with yourself, you will realize that whatever it is, in all probability is very doable. It's "YOUable".  My point is, YOU have to find YOUR "fair", not somebody else's "fair". As much as you would like to blame people, circumstances, your environment, biases, culture, etc., for the things that seem unfair, you and only you must deal with the question of how you find "what is fair for you?"

Find YOUR Fair

Do you need to break down a barrier at work to go up the ladder ? Do you need to fight for a special consideration to move ahead? Do you need to work and strategize more to grow your business? Do you need to dream bigger to achieve greater status? Shoot higher to attain your goals? Do you need to change your thinking to see that you have possibility and potential within your grasp? All are valid questions. The answer is: find out what YOU need to do to get what you want and need, and you will find YOUR "fair".

Maximize Your Fair Chance

Success stories are all across the spectrum. You see people who started with absolutely nothing but a hope, dream and energy. You see others who took advantage of the way being paved for them. Regardless of where you are, you can maximize your chance at life. You can go after what you need and want. You can go and get your "fair" share of the pie.  If you believe that others have a  better advantage than you, rather than taking advantage of your possibilities, you will always position yourself at a disadvantage. The race is not given to the swift, or the battle to the strong, but to those who keep trying until they get to the finish line. You know what that means? It means that anyone has the chance to get to their very own victory if they keep going.

Avoid the Excuse that "Life Just Isn't Fair"

Whatever you do, DON'T MAKE EXCUSES:

• Don't allow yourself to be held back by old belief systems in your thinking and actions. Possibility thinking is key to getting what you feel you deserve. Believe you can have it and act on it.
• Don't allow yourself to put obstacles in your pathway that are not really there. Whatever you tell yourself is in your way, it is there until you decide it's not.
• Don't allow yourself to be put in a corner by stereotyping yourself or anyone else. Instead, maximize everything in you. What that means is that your focus, your time and your energy will have to go toward the results you're wanting to bring about.

Maximum efforts will produce maximum results. When you put pressure on the gas pedal in your car, you only go as fast as you determine. You will go 20 MPH when you apply light pressure, but when you really put the pedal to the metal, you're moving at a higher speed, you gain more ground faster. How fast or slow you go is up to you. Just remember, you are the only one behind the wheel. It's your race. The opportunity to finish your course is up to you. Imagine that, a finish line where everybody wins. That's fair enough, don't you think?

They don't call me "THE FOX" for nothing. ~ S.R.F.  

Silver Rae Fox is a writer and author, speaker, and host of "FOXOLOGY TODAY" on Blog Talk Radio. For speaking engagements and interviews, or additional information, email: SILVER@silverraefox.com. 

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